So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
