yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
