First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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