OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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