Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
