I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize