8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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