Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
