whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
