so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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