A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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