Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
