just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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