Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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