the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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