bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
