Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I have post one night stand depression
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
