Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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