So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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