Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
