Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Randomize
