Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You took a bar mat shot.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
