If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
