real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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