Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
