Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
