WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
