Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
