Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
