I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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