i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
