I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
