omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
