if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
