Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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