I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
