Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Mom said you looked used
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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