I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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