Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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