mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Do vagina's smell?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
