Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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