Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
