the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
