hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
