i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
