Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
