make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Holy shit dude........stairs
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
