When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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