Just fell off a train. Bad.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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