she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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