i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
