also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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