The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
