Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
