She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My dick has a subreddit
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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