Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
